I know there is still two months left in the year, and I should probably wait before I write the wow, that year sucked... here's to the next year post, but I figure why procrastinate. It's true, this year sucks and I still have to endure two more months of it. I promised myself that I wouldn't end up being a self righteous emo blogger who hates the world and can't wait to get to place where people really understand me, but honestly... how can I be positive right now. In the last 10 months, I've left a career that I thought I loved, which means I lost people in my life that at one time I truly respected and I said good bye to a family member who should have been there for more ups and downs in my life. No... they didn't die, but sometimes you have to say good bye to people so that you can move on with your life.
So now, with two months left to go... I've gone back in time almost and find myself managing a retail store and I have no career path for myself except for a daily mantra of "don't fuck this up" and tonight, I finally had an insightful conversation with a dear gf and realized that I'm not being too hard on myself. I had a horrible year and now I've either set myself up to be emo princess of 2012, or I'm going to reinvent myself and end up being a completely new woman.
There is a lot I can't answer right now, and I know I am basically just rambling. Side note: I blame the rambling on the sausage I cooked myself earlier.. did you know that you can't just cut off a moldy part and continue on with life? This could end up being a disasterous shitty night for myself haha.
When I started this blog, I thought to myself, here is a place where I can write down all the things that other people do that make me question humanity... but now looking back I can't help but question myself and the decisions I have made. I don't regret the last year of my life, but I do wish I could have made decisions that were educated and informed and adult and not so much the free spirit that I've always been in rebellion to real life....
I don't think this blog or your past 10 months has been anything about going against the grain lady. You've been trying to find the answer to what the heck has been going on ~ by writing (as true professionals...yes you are still very much a PR professional) it all out.
ReplyDeleteAnd I'm glad you've catalogued these thoughts and feelings in this post, because when you've hit your stride, when you've got the world by the tail, won't it be nice to visit this post and realize how far you've truly come?! I know there's big things ahead for you ~ you're just one of those personalities destined for 'more'.
:) A.