My choice...

The votes are in... the polls have officially closed in Alberta and we wait. We wait to hear about change, wanted or unwanted, or to settle into the familiarity of what we already know. Again, wanted or unwanted. When I started blogging, I pictured something witty and fun... but I find my thoughts are all over and this has become my place to escape and tell my life, and everything around it as I see it.

Today, I voted for a PC government. Maybe I shouldn't say that out loud. Maybe I will jinks their chances, but I have to say, two years ago I was ready for change and I wanted a new government and I was ready to embrace the Wildrose, and all their glory. Today, I sit and wait and fear, that my vote while counted won't be enough to keep what I know as a majority government in power. People will ask while I voted PC. I won't tell you why, but I will tell you why I didn't vote for the other guys.

The nail was placed in the coffin for me when I heard rumours of a blog. A blog entitled Born This Way, which spread hate about the LGTB community. I hoped that with any good leader, I would hear a message that condemned the hateful message... instead, I heard silence. If you know me, you know I have a strong connection to the LGTB community. I have sincere love for the people I know and have met, for the people I am honored to call my friends and for those I am fortunate enough to consider family. I have learned through this community to accept, love and understand. I have learned that acceptance is just the beginning, and while people don't have to support, or accept, or like lifestyles, we can as a human society understand that we are cannot be the judge and the executioner.

This isn't a blog aimed at changing opinions, or trying to start a pro-LGTB movement. It's an opinion that I hope will have people stop and think. While people may not believe that being gay is a choice, I think we can all agree on something else. Hate is not a lifestyle, it is a choice. I hope that we have made the choice to keep hate away, for even just a few more years.

Every vote cast today is a choice. I've made mine.

The year of healing...

I have officially crossed a new place in my life. It's weird that in the blink of an eye your life can change. You hear people say it, but you really don't think about it. You could literally walk out into traffic texting a friend, or walk in on the love of your life with someone else... And then you blink. Your life will never be the same.

This year was initially supposed to be about growth and new found confidence and in the blink of an eye... I have to learn to heal.

So, I have to ask the magic question. In a world of social media, how do we heal? You can follow that loves every movement and you can subscribe for up to date alerts. You can friend a friend and gain access to profiles. Or, you can snoop using other peoples passwords.

You used to be able to fight and never know what happened to someone. Now we fight and can't stop looking. Has social media made it impossible to forgive and forget?

I did it...

I did it... I fought with my emotions, I tossed and turned at night, but I did it. I made a decision, that I hope I won't regret, and I'm afraid to find out how it goes. I quit my job away from PR, and then... I wait for a week. I will reunite with a life I had convinced myself that I left behind. I will continue on with my PR life, in a new job, with new coworkers and I am nervous.

What happens if I fail? What happens if I become unhappy again? I understand that I am not perfect and may not succeed at being the best PR person in my profession, but I have come to the understanding that all I can do is try my best.

It makes me think about all the people who are in a profession and fear the outcome of their day to day lives. Are they happy? Do they live filled with regret? Are we just programmed to see what comes out of our decisions and left to settle? I am a week away from finding out I guess. My first week back will be an adjustment. My second week, I will begin to settle in the process. I expect that in weeks three and four, I'll have made my decision on how the next 11 months left of this contract will go. By then, people will have formed their opinions of me, and I will have formed a true opinion about the consequences of the actions I have chosen to make.

Wow....

I'm not going to turn this blog into a gone too soon post for Whitney Houston... But she was gone too soon.

It makes me think about all the people we encounter, talk bad about and judge - either out loud or silently in our minds.

Everyone who knows me, knows that I am an avid tabloid reader. I can't help it... It feeds my urge to be nosy, and also keep informed on some of my fave celebs. I have also turned to social media for the same reasons. Only a few years ago, if something magnificent happened in the world, I would turn on the tv and wait for a reputable news source to confirm, mostly, the tragic news I was hearing. Now, I turn to twitter and Facebook. I can't help but wonder... Have we lost our ability to rely on good old fashion news?

Yesterday, I turned on CNN to confirm the news. Today, I look to social media to give me up to the minute updates and find traditional media so slow and ancient. My urge to be nosy has turned into a scramble to keep informed and not miss a snippet of information, even if it's speculation.

How did I turn from news junkie to social media piranha?? How have we lost the ability to let life go on and wait until the morning paper for new information?

So on the day after her passing, I reflect on my actions, my thoughts and my hunger to be nosy. I can't help but ask... Is there such thing as being too informed?

The hunt continues....

Have I ever mentioned that I loathe the whole resume and cover letter process. The worst part has to be not even getting a call for an interview. You are expected to sit down, analyze a job posting and then write an amazing over letter. This process can take upwards to an hour, and then nothing. Silence. Stale silence as you wait and wait and hope you catch their eye.

I believe it's a bit like being on the bachelor or bachelorette. You need to stand out, put out or ride in on a horse otherwise you will just get sent packing with some bs excuse of their being no connection. Meanwhile, some other person put a fancy font, or a colorful border - the supposed suicide of resume making - and they are in.

So the hunt continues... I'll keep you posted.

It's still January....

Anyone else think that this month is dragging on?? I feel like this month has been filled with enough excitement in my life to fill up the whole year... only 11 months to go. Every year we go through the same usual trauma... or more like drama... and it's like we never learn. Throughout the year you will have to deal with some crap that makes you angry, maybe it makes you want to quit your job or move to a different city and start over. Or, you may lose a friend, or make a new one that you wouldn't mind losing lol. And yet, we are always determined to make "this year" the best one ever. We are creatures of habit. We are victims of our own optimism, and then we turn around and can't understand why this year, feels just like the last.

I, of course, have a theory about this. We wait for people to change. We wait for people to "grow up" and "get a grip". We don't expect ourselves to go through the same process. This year, I am turning 29. I am officially going to be in my last years of my twenties, and waiting in the shadows for 30 to come and smack me in the face. Except, I have an entire year of 29 to wait for people to do all the things that I should probably just do by myself.

I made a career change at 28 and still being 28, I'm going back to the career I thought I had left behind. I realized, I need to grow up and do grown up things with my life. I have an immense amount of respect for the people in my second profession and what they do everyday. I have met people who have taught me some valuable lessons and have shared insight with me that I may have not been able to have if I had not taken the six months I needed to explore myself. So back I go... into a world I'm not entirely sure I belong to, and excited to see if I have really done the changes I need to become an amazing professional woman.

Some days, I wonder where life is going to take me. I sit back and fantasize about all the things I want to be doing, and places I would love to visit. I realize, I didn't take as many risks as I should have while in my twenties. I think I'm going to spend 29 planning for all the amazing adventures I'll have in my thirties, and not worry so much about who I am, and what I'll become. I'm going to go back into my chosen field and really work hard and play hard. I don't know if anyone actually reads my blog, or if someone random will stumble upon this post and feel inspired. I hope that someone will and realize that, yes... it's still January, but the next 11 months should really be a time of growth and self discovery.

Don't dwell on what could have been.... maybe 2o12 will be the year that we can all sit back and remember as the year things happened.